Scribbles

During my many years of writing I have experimented in a wide variety of genres using the written word, examples of which lie here. Writing is a hugely diverse skill and I enjoy every aspect of it from lyric writing to crossword construction.

GREETINGS CARDS

Songs

The song below was originally written for Radio 4 during the South African World Cup in 2010 when the dreaded vuvuzela first reared it's ugly head and even uglier noise. We were also in the middle of the Deepwater Horizon oil disaster in which an explosion caused the well to leak over 4.9 million barrels of oil in to the Gulf of Mexico.

The Vuvuzela Song

What should we do with the vuvuzela? What should we do with the vuvuzela?

What should we do with the vuvuzela - sounds like bees are swarming.

Put 'um in the bin, that's if I had my way.

Put 'um in the bin, that would just make my day.

Put 'um in the bin for collection Friday, early in the morning.

Hoo-ray! The World uprises! Hoo-ray! The World despises!

Hoo-ray! The World Cup crisis is the Vuvuzela!

 

Ship 'um to the Gulf of Mexico and put 'um in the ground and plug that hole,

then back to the footy shouting 'Here We Go' and no more vuvuzela.

Ban the stupid horn as it's just too pesky.

Ban the stupid horn as it just upsets me.

Ban it from today along with Green and Heskey and maybe we'll start scoring!

Hoo-ray! The World uprises! Hoo-ray! The World despises!

Hoo-ray! The World Cup crisis is the Vuvuzela!

 

SKETCHES

The sketch below was written for a radio 4 sketch show in 2008 after the news that councils were banning staff from using Latin terms, claiming they were elitist and discriminatory and not in general use by most people.

Nil Desperandum

 

TEACHER: Right next one, ‘Caecilius epistulam mittat’. Wilcox?

WILCOX: Erm. Caecilius...had drunk too much?

TEACHER: (to himself) Nil desperandum, Bernard.

BELL RINGS. PUPILS START TO EXIT

TEACHER: Right off you go, all except Stringer - could you remain in-situ for a moment please?

CLASS EMPTIES

TEACHER: Now, we’ll talk about the test later. First I have a few questions about your homework, i.e. Who did it?

STRINGER: Who did it!? I, I did sir!

TEACHER: No help from anybody else?

STRINGER: No sir. Mum and Dad both work for the council - they don’t speak a word of Latin.

TEACHER: Listen Rex, you’re really struggling with this subject. How about I’ll be straight with you and vice-versa, ok?

STRINGER: Ok.

TEACHER: Unless you start to work really hard in the interim, there is no way you’ll even scrape a D in your exam! I mean, look at

your test today - it would appear you didn’t do a single minute of revision for it!

STRINGER: I was going to but we went to the Millennium Stadium last night to a Status Quo concert and we didn’t get back ‘til dead late. I just didn’t have time.

TEACHER: Ipse dixit.

STRINGER: I know sir, I dicks’d it right up! I’m sorry. I will work harder.

TEACHER: So what about the homework?

STRINGER: I honestly don’t know what you mean sir. I thought I did really well.

TEACHER: You got nil.

STRINGER: Nil!? But it should all be right!?

TEACHER: A word to the wise, Stringer; next time you use Google translator to do your homework, at least give it a cursory check over. On this particular occasion you've managed to translate the whole text into Latvian!

STRINGER: Oh.

END

NICO RUSSELL

Nico@NicoRussell.com

07964 856 806

All copywriting copywritten is copyright of copywriter Nico Russell©2017